Balancing professional and personal life before baby is born

Hopefully, as you read this, you are experiencing a healthy and happy pregnancy, having had the necessary conversations at work and organised yourself so that you are both energised and engaged professionally and personally.

Now fast forward to the time when you will be with your new baby, during your parental leave. This is a unique and special time which we want you to thrive in and not be worrying about “what’s next”. So, to help you maximise this period, it is worth planning ahead now. Let me share my own personal experience to demonstrate the importance of this.

I was working as a Project Manager at IBM, managing a remote team, when I fell pregnant with my first child, Olivia. It was a period when I worked on client sites, often away from home Monday to Thursday, working long hours and at times, under a lot of pressure! My team also worked on client sites, on similar change projects and I needed to be available to support them.

I realised that I would need to make some changes to my current schedule as I knew that I didn’t want to be working away from home all the time once I had a child. Admittedly, until this point, I hadn’t thought about working life post the baby being born in great detail - too busy trying to keep up with my own physical changes and what I should and shouldn’t be doing to keep the baby healthy! I did know however, that I wanted to be the primary carer. My husband, John worked in consultancy so he had a very similar work pattern to me and would have most likely happily changed his situation. The truth is, in 2005, there were very few role models where both partners reduced their hours so I don’t think we honestly considered this as an option back then.

Instead, having decided I was to be the primary carer in our family, it was time for some personal reflection! My first question to myself was: what would I really like? I was sure that I wanted to keep my professional life but I also knew I wanted to slow things down to really enjoy this period. I knew I was motivated by challenges, being accountable and delivering results…..so how was I going to make this happen if I worked part time? Also, what was my version of part time?

Having made the time to think it through, it became clear that my ideal scenario was working 3 days a week and spending less time commuting. My role at the time involved me working on client sites in and around Europe and being on-site was a critical part of the role. It was clear that I couldn’t continue with this, so something had to be compromised. I talked to many women who had returned to work part time at IBM and realised that if I was clear on what I wanted and equally what I didn’t want, it was possible. I simply needed to treat it like another project - drive and deliver it. This time is was just my personal project!

I spoke to my line manager who was fully supportive and appreciated that my current role was not a great fit with my plan to be the primary carer. With my manager’s support and networking with other role models at work, it was clear that working on internal projects would be a great choice and it would still allow me to honour my values professionally.

Over time and following more networking and conversations, I found out about a project team who were working on an exciting project which had a place for me. I quickly integrated into the new team, with a good manager and supportive colleagues. I could add value during the time up to my maternity leave and I returned to the role after my leave, knowing I had weighed up all my options and selected the best choice. I also knew that this was not a “forever” choice. I reassessed after several months, made a few tweaks and then reassessed again 18 months later...but that’s another story!

With my own experience in mind, my top tips for you whilst you are pregnant at work, are the following:

• Talk to your partner now about life after the baby is born and what you would both like - consider the best case scenario. It could be that one of you stops working, one becomes the primary carer like I did on reduced hours, you both reduce your hours and both share the child care - there are many options so start with best case scenario.
• Once you are clear on what you would like as a family, be honest with yourself and your current role - is it feasible? If you think it is, brainstorm ideas on how some of your work could be shared out/outsourced/adapted either within the team or externally. Go to your manager with ideas and potential solutions, for you to both brainstorm further. This could be a great opportunity for someone else in the team to step up and leverage their strengths.
• If like me, it is not feasible, speak to your manager and talk to others in the organisation and explore options. Think of this as a project and drive it - no-one else will be as vested in your choices as you are.
• Prioritise this activity and schedule meetings with others so that weeks do not slip by. If you have a mentor/sponsor, engage them in the process too - they can also speak to others on your behalf and/or make you aware of possible opportunities.

Having worked with hundreds of parents since 2009 and having heard many other experiences, I now fully appreciate that I was very fortunate - both my managers were open, empowering and seemingly free from biases. Equally, IBM as an employer, offered so many versions of flexible working that I did have choices. I wasn’t made to question if I could have both, or indeed feel forced to choose between family and career.

Having read this article do you feel like you have a rather large mountain to climb? If so, do reach out to talk to one of the Thriving Parents team or check out our Thrive Online e-courses to help you navigate this delicate period.

If you reading this as a manager, do ask yourself how open you are to this topic? As a manager, we have such a significant influence on the likelihood of an individual returning after a parental break and staying at work, energised and engaged. If you want your organisation to support you as a manager, then Thriving Talent can help. We have a vision to empower 1 million parents by 2020 - so that they can choose their best version of work and family life. Maybe your organisation needs to join us on this mission?