How The World Opened Up To Me As A Working Mother

I am honoured to share this story with you today from working mother Gemma Bateson. She has been incredibly honest and brave and I know her story will help so many others navigating the transition to parenthood. 

One of the biggest takeaways for me is the advice to stop pretending. It doesn’t do you or anyone else any favours to pretend that you’re managing and being the perfect parent AND employee. Be honest, get the help and support you need, and you will perform better and be happier at work and at home! 

If you would like to share your feedback with Gemma, please email me at [email protected] and I will pass it on. You can also leave a comment on any of our social media channels. 

Here’s Gemma’s story… 

What was your biggest fear about work when you found out you were expecting and how did you overcome it?

My biggest fear was losing hard won ground in terms of my career progression. I was worried that someone might do a better job than me whilst I was away and that I would be out of touch by the time I got back 6 months after having my baby. I didn't manage to overcome that fear...When I got back I realized that the company was glad to have me back, my customers were glad to have me back and nothing had changed! My fears were for nothing... If only somebody had given me the support and advice before or during my maternity leave I wouldn't have worried.

Tell us about your maternity/paternity leave. Did you have much contact with work?

Before I went on maternity leave (the day before I had my baby) I thought to myself “'I will check my emails every morning during maternity leave. I will even go into the office a few times per month to stay in touch.”' Ha ha! Of course I did neither of those things as I was too busy dealing with postnatal depression and a new baby to look after! I didn't realise that all the things I thought were very important indeed, i.e work, climbing the career ladder etc would recede into the distance after my baby was born. I had very little contact with work, virtually none, apart from at the end of my maternity leave confirming which day I would return.

What was the biggest challenge you faced when you returned from maternity/paternity leave?

I went back to work after 6 months of maternity leave, for 5 days per week full time. I wish somebody had told me that there was another way. With hindsight I would have returned more slowly: 2 days per week, then 3 days per week, and built up to full time over a month.  My biggest challenge was that I was so unused to public speaking, to creating presentations, to being in the corporate world....I felt isolated, 'different' and under pressure (from myself, not from my company) and tired all the time. I felt that I could not let this show, I could not talk about it in case it was perceived as a sign of weakness...  I now understand that the weakness was in NOT talking about it. 

What would you have done differently?

Returned to work more slowly, sought out somebody who had been in the same situation and asked them for advice.  My perception at the time was that the few women with children at senior levels had it all under control and would think I was weak for raising the question. I have since become friends with many of these women, and I now know that we all face similar challenges, the same pressure, worries and challenges. I wish there had been more advice, a forum, a group, someone to actively approach me and tell me ''Hey, it is okay to return to work slower, take a month, you won't lose anything, you will remember how to calculate percentages, create presentations and your public speaking skills will return! We all felt like you and it just takes a few weeks....don't panic!''

Did your work goals change after you become a parent? How?

My work-life balance was non-existent for 10 years after my eldest son was born (I have two sons - 10 and 8). After 10 years of 'doing it all' my life imploded. I left an unhappy marriage, left my home and have 50% custody of my children. This choice has impacted the career development opportunities available to me in a company that rewards international mobility.  I found that very hard to deal with, but less hard than being unhappily married!  Now I accept my situation and I am more patient.

As my children have grown older and I have them only 50% of the time, I have more time for myself. I make time, I read, I run, walk, spend time with friends, and my new boyfriend. I am more disciplined, I no longer work at weekends or at night unless highly necessary. My life is far more balanced than it was, I am less tired and I enjoy my work and 'life at work' more.  

What are your 3 top tips for other working parents?

1) Find a support network.

Talk to other mothers at work. It's good to know that it gets better, that all women returning to work feel the same.

2) Be disciplined.

Switch off after work unless there is an emergency. Save weekends for family time and not work.

3) Don't forget about yourself.

I spent 100% of my non-work time on the kids and my husband. I thought that to assuage my guilt at hardly being home, I owed it to the family to give them every single minute of my non working time. What I realise now is that a well rested, happy, social mother and wife is a much better person to be around both at home and at work.

Is there anything else you'd like to share?

Pretending is not a good idea. I created a 'super professional, do it all high achiever' persona at home and at work. The result was that people found it hard to relate to me, they felt that I wasn't real, I wasn't approachable or easy to be with. I learned that it is so much better to be yourself!  Be open, support other people (mothers and women especially) through sharing your own experiences, laugh, admit fault and failure. Once I 'cracked' the world opened up to me both at work and in my personal life.